The Nut Cancer Incident

I’ve had sum lumps on my testicles for some months now. I’ve been very worried about it. At first I was like “wtf is that” and as the months passed and I tried to monitor them. I noticed more lumps. The worry and anxiety grew as I started to wonder if this was cancer. I’m 42 and testicular cancer hits about 1 in 270 men of which only about 1 in 5000 actually die but still no one wants to hear they have cancer. It’s also the most common cancer for men from 20-39 years old.

So I’ve been secretly carrying this mental burden for many months. I was happy to deny it but couldn’t help but think about it every time I touched my Johnson in the shower or taking a leak.

I must freely admit I’m a cry-baby when it comes to health. I hate visiting doctors and as much damage as I’ve physically taken in my life I probably fear nothing more than a doctor visit to fix the actual damage. I’m practically full-on phobic about it.

I finally just last week told my wife. She was like “wtf” too, but she understands me. I actually told her while pretty drunk and I guess the booze got me all freaked out and I started doing that drunken cry some of us do. I curled up like a little bitch actually to be honest and balled my eyes out. Yes, I was pretty damn drunk.

As soon as she could she got me a doctor appointment. Now sober and with my secret out it was time to face this. I really had no choice.

My doctor is great to be honest. He’s a wonderful primary physician actually. As much as I fear doctors and hospitals this guy does a great job.

So yesterday we go. He does the whole workup, ball feeling up, and eventually the ultrasound. After some discussion on the subject of lumpy balls and other things the conclusion was that I just have lumpy balls and it’s not cancer. The ultrasound was clear and my lumps aren’t actually on the testicles themselves. My doc said it’s just that some men get wormy veins and some don’t but in most cases the cause is not actually harmful to you nor cancerous.

I just can’t say how relieved I am. I did a quick Tweet yesterday that I am sure some of you took as some mysterious oddball remark but I assure you that it was genuine relief I didn’t have nut cancer. The lesson here though which I hope you all take out from this is that if you think something is wrong go and see a doctor. Don’t allow your fears or excuses take hold. Get a medical checkup and face it.

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