Success can be your worst enemy. That’s probably the best statement I can make about my current situation. To many the word success means just they’ve made it happen and life is grand. And while in some respects there is truth to that. There is also this element of having peaked and from there it’s all downhill. Much like riding the wave on a surfboard the best moment is when you get up then realize you’re on the top of a giant wave. From there it’s all down and you’re only waiting to stop.

I remember before I had my current success I was very hungry for success. I’d wake up with desire and intentions for the day. I had very little distraction and I had a lot of focus. Days would be filled with work, coding, and studying. I was working and almost nothing was going to prevent me from reaching my goals.

I’ve always considered myself and entrepreneur. A guy that came up with great ideas and pursued the best of them. At times I would have literally hundreds of projects in the works. My goal was for at least one of these pies I had my hands in would taste great. I never considered that this one pie of success I might be eating for a very long time.

This is why success can be your downfall. Once reached, it can be a trap. My days are now filled with dealing with one project and most of it is maintenance just to make sure it doesn’t fail. That’s hardly being an entrepreneur. I feel more like a janitor cleaning toilets. Just making sure the crap doesn’t flow over.

I’ve been in this position before. I had the excuse of 9/11 why it all fell apart. And in a moment of honesty deep down I knew that I had wanted it to fail because I was tired of the project and I truly enjoyed the struggle more. I definitely wanted to do something different. My efforts to expand were the ultimate downfall of that business.

Here I am 10 years after the failure of that success. I’m facing similar issues. I’m older and wiser and more honest about what I’m doing. I’m aware an implosion could occur and I’m my own worst enemy. I miss having that intensity required to succeed. I miss being experimental and going for it I miss that moment when you realize you’re on the board and on top of the best wave of your life.